Just Another DN Yoai Fanfiction
by Howler Monkey
Summary: On the plain surface its just another Death Note yoai fanfic, but like a creamcheese bagel, the bread underneath is a philosophical mirage that may tamper with the true spelling of man buttsex.
1. Chapter 1: Google, Bloody Google!

Summary: On the plain surface its just another Death Note yoai fanfic, but like a creamcheese bagel, the bread underneath is a philosophical mirage that may tamper with the true spelling of man buttsex. Perhaps bagel was a bad example, but nevertheless- this story is set in total seriousness that will more or less contain emotional breakdowns and eventually mutal love confessions. Sooner or later. So read on, young grasshoppers!

_Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, made by mangaka God, Obata-sensei. The Fangirl is not based on anybody in particular, just a individual subculture within our population. (And yes, the title "yoai" is intentionally misspelled, it came from an interesting encounter with a PWP fanfiction. )_

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_**Just Another DN Yoai Fanfiction**_

_**Chapter 1: Google, Bloody Google**_

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It was a day of nothing extrodinary at the headquarters.

Everybody went on with their business with a familiar routine and mindless precision, like usual. It started like just anyother day, and Raito Yagami can't see how it's going to be any different from the ordinary. Yagami was tired of the daily shmuck, he really was. He was wary of playing both roles of the good guy and the bad guy. Maybe the mind games were getting to him; or maybe he missed his old way of life as a high schooler. Either way, Raito knows his boredom can't do good for L's suspicion of him. But perhaps it will help, since Kira would _pretend_ to care very much so for the case. So if Raito did act bored it might clear his name since he is acting like a normal, sane highschooler. _But!_ What if L knows that Raito knows that bordom will make him more unlike Kira?! L would indeed be _more_ suspcious of Raito now wouldn't he!?? On the other hand…if Raito _knows_ that L knows that Raito knows…then he, Raito Yagami has the upper hand in things! Though…if L wo—Raito stopped there. He was thinking way too much again, this wouldn't do for his blood pressure. He quickly turned on his heels and quickly strided to the bathroom to do some sudoku; like usual.

As he locked the bathroom door behind him, he pretended he wasn't aware of two bulgy fish-eyes staring and calculating his every move. _Damn no-life_.

L nibbled on his creampuff and snapped out of his trance. He had been watching Yagami again…it wasn't as much watching as automatically tracking. He was so preoccupied with Kira, aka Yagami; his eyes followed him like an involuntary action. _Lovely, I didn't know eyes could do that._ L reminded himself to add this to his checklist of superpowers. He nibbled some more, relishing the cream around in his mouth…and painfully reminded that his molars are going to be drilled this Sunday. _Bloody bacteria._

Nothing unusal ever happened, it's all the same ol' same ol'.

Though little did they know, a young, teenage, and fully hormone-pumped adolesence was going to be born into the world of yaoi.

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This girl, she whose-name-shalt-not-be-mentioned, is just a statistic among many, millions of others. Let's call her, Fangirl, FG for short. She had been searching on the web for some nice shojo manga to drown out the day, since she decided that she had outgrown Sailor Moon. Or perhaps she had reread it once too many times, and that defeated the purpose of surprise, and maybe some nonexistent plot. She had to find another fandom to latch on to, so she won't wander through the harsh environment of the anime kingdom, like dust in the wind. FG is also in desperate need of a bishie to fantasize about while she sleeps through math class.

FG flitted through sites that came up on google under "anime manga"; but so far, none appealed to her one-dimensioned personality. The mangas contained too much plot, too much angst, and too little bishie-harem.

Then, a single blue link came up, shining with an aura of mystery. It depicted a single word, YAOI. Mystified, and if not a little curious, she ventured on and clicked the link.

She did not come out of her room for the rest of that day.


	2. Chapter 2: Don't Go There

**T**his chapter delves deeper within magical girl-like transformations and strange, previously untouched upon personality flaws. (Ridiculous descriptions included)

Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own it.

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_**Just Another DN Yoai Fanfiction**_

_**Chapter 2: Don't Go There**_

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Ah, blesséd web.

Fangirl was seeing the world in a new light; unsmuged by filters of parentalship. It was as if a veil had been lifted and the internet and its glorious shady underdome were exposed to her. She couldn't help but twitching and hyperventilating a little with this savage new discovery. There were concaves and corners she never have even imagined; and this whole new world enveloped her in deep happiness. It was nothing less of a transforming metamorphsis for this young tween. FG has evolved, she is now a lv. 1 Rabid.

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5…1…hn…ah, no…Light Yagami is stuck on the very last sudoku puzzle in the book. _How tres frustrating. _He mused. _The last one._ This book of sudoku he bought on the way to the subway claimed to be at the guru-level difficulty. He thought it would make for some cheap entertainment. _It's hard being a genius._ He smirked to himself and blew himself a kiss in the mirror and went back to work. He was indeed a strange, strange nassarcist.

L blinked, and looked at the grandfather-clock settled snugly by his desk. Antiques was one of the detective's quirks. _It's been 20 minutes. _He's worried; from his experience, a normal, functioning person simply does not…eliminate wastes…for that long. L fretted a little and scratched his head, perfectly pampered by L'Oreal hair gels. _Because I'm worth it. _L did not crease his brows, he thought himself above showing emotions; besides, it gave him terrible to-be wrinkles. Keeping his face clean and smooth was his top priority; the dismal way that he appeared in was completely concidential.

_Lavatory_, oh yes. L was pleasantly reminded of Light's bathroom situation when Aizwa vocolized his trouser-snake problems. Yagami couldn't possibly be having extretory problems, or perhaps that was his skeleton-in-the-closet. No, number-2 problems seem too comical for Kira. What could _possibly_ keep a homicidal maniac within a closed cubical for so long? Unless… L dared not go there.

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Rabid was having very _very_ hard time keeping still. Her brain, fresh and raw from load of uncensored information; eyes blood-shot due to long-time surfing. Rabid needed to share her obsession, and spread her new established fandom. Out of all the possible theoretical probabilities…so many…yet she could only think of one.

…write a fanfiction.

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Light's hands tembled with an excited quaver, holding the pen precisely an inch from the paper. His brows tightened, face taunt, Ryuk-like smile; a mask of constipation. _I've got it. _He meticulously wrote down the final number, stroke by stroke, with unrushed delicacy. Then, as though after a climatic finale, he laid back flush upon the toilet cover and breathed heavily to admired his handiwork. An aftermath like this was all too common- afterall, Light's ego was unattainable to control after achievments that complimented his genius. He grinned merrily and pocketed the book. Then with one hand on the door knob he arranged his posture and sauntered out with grace. Light did not pause at the small crowd gathering around Aizawa, rather, he plopped himself right next to L- who was still staring with much intensity. He seemed to be scrutnizing something obscene. Light got comfortable and glanced at the clock, _shit_, it has been 26 minutes. Did L suspect--?

L was skipping over possibilities and reasonings like a jackrabbit in heat. There was only one plausible suggestion, and it didn't involve Kira in any shape or form. It was ridiculous, so far-fetched that it just might work. L saw the way Light came out of the bathroom, perspiration running down his face, mouth open in a slight pant. His face tinted with a slight rosy color and a _very_ satisfied expression. L knew that expression, though it wasn't anything resembling a personal experience, oh god_ no_. His past history dealing with shady ciminal masterminds brought him more than once to questionable areas in America, what did they call it? Oh yes, the red light districts. But to be suggesting Light Yagami, the son of the ex-police chief officer, and a perfect student of self-entertaining…seemed more a delicious idea than the detective expected. This dynamitatic new discovery soon got L's pulse racing, and is just _begging_ to be exploited.

With this enticingly forbidden fruit, L just may find himself tempting a bite.

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AU: The Kira case will be put on hold in the freezer section for _now_, this storyline needs no more murdering nut-case angst to complicate things. So L's retarded reason for not considering the possiblity of Light doing Kira-like top-secret things in the restroom is completely sane and reasonable. Of course.


End file.
